Autumn’s Adventures


la muerte de los amigovios
December 10, 2008, 8:52 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Aldous Huxley said: “higgimus hoggamus, women are monogamous; hoggamus higgimus, men are polygamous.”

My friend told me this quote the other day. As silly as it sounds I found it simplified all of the bullshit I have experienced with men into one silly line that rhymes. Yes, it may make me sound like a cynic, a man-hater, a stereotyper, a typical single woman, blah, blah, blah…I honestly don’t care how you would label me for digging this quote.  You would find this quote fitting too if you crossed multiple borders, traveled thousands of miles to another country and found yourself swimming in a shallow pond full of men that are exactly the same men as the ones you left back in the states, they just speak a different language.  But one thing translates for me in all languages: “No quiero una novia.” – “I don’t want a girlfriend.”  Ha, thanks.  I’ve heard that one a few thousand times before.  It only solidifies for me that “all men are polygamous”.

As my girl friends say here in Jujuy, “Todos chicos son iguales en todos lados.” -“All dudes are the same everywhere.”  Hmmm maybe someone should have saved me the trouble by telling me this in August?  Amber…what the hell? Just kidding…only 50% of me came here to find love…wait what? are you that surprised?  Did you think I just came down here to learn the language? Well yes, I have to do that first before I can fulfill my dream of scooping up a life-long latin lover.  If Melanie Griffith can have Antonio Banderas why can’t I have my own Gael García Bernal (HOTTT, no?)?  No but seriously, only half-joking, those who know me knew that I was quite unhappy in DC because I felt lonely, felt like I was lacking something in my life and they saw me fail miserably over and over again with dude after dude.  It didn’t help that in DC, almost all of my friends had girlfriends or boyfriends or they were married.  I was constantly the 3rd wheel on their dates. Yuckie.

At age 24 you’d think I’d feel youthful and happily embrace that I was still free from the shackles of a relationship. WRONG.  As much as I love the Sex and the City series, I don’t have my own rat pack of single women to share my fascinating single life stories with and get good advice and feel empowered for being single. Instead, my friends in relationships were living vicariously through my not-so-successful happy single life and silently pitying me for failing over and over again to score a decent guy.  It’s true, Sex and the City is only cool on TV, not in real life.

So here I am in South America, my heart with it’s teary eyes wide open scanning every male figure that passes by.  To my surprise, one of my close guy friends decided that he liked me after a month of me being here.  We had been hanging out about once or twice a week just the two of us because I was trying to practice my conversational castellano and he was the only reliable one willing to meet up with me to chat.  Of course at first I only thought of him as a good friend as he thought of me. I wasn’t attracted to him, but my heart was open when he said he liked me. I was willing to at least give it a try.  I was only hesitating because he was a good friend and part of my close group of friends that hangs out almost every day.  I was playing with fire and if things didn’t work out it would be quite awkward afterwords.  I know myself and I know that if I let it carry on for too long I’d start wanting him as a boyfriend.  I ignored this important information that I knew about myself.  After the first week that he told me he liked me we were at amigovio status.  We were holding hands all over town, spending tons of time alone, kissing, hugging, assigning each other cute nicknames and constantly saying that we missed each other.  I got caught up in the moment and forgot about my fears of what it could turn into.  At the beginning I thought it was fun but still didn’t have true feelings for him so I wasn’t worried about getting hurt.   But as I had predicted from the beginning, it didn’t take long for me to develop feelings for him. This was a problem because after the first 2 weeks of our “status” we discussed that we were just amigovios, that he didn’t want a girlfriend and that i didn’t want a boyfriend (right now).  That conversation always comes back to bite one of the two in the ass. Usually it is always the girl.

Now I sit here, having freaked out about my feelings and completely cut off the amigovio status with my friend.  I couldn’t handle having feelings for him and knowing it would never turn into anything serious.  Could it have turned into something if I had just let it go on a little longer? Maybe, but I like to think not. Usually if it is meant to last I wouldn’t be here, sitting alone.  I don’t believe that I can change guys, I’m not that type of girl.  If a guy tells me he doesn’t want a girlfriend or he doesn’t want this or that, I believe him.  It doesn’t make sense not to. Guys are black and white, they don’t dance around their feelings or what they want like most women do.  You can’t persuade them to think differently than they already do.  With my amigovio, I knew far in advance what he did and didn’t want and I had to get out as soon as I felt even a hint of emotions for him.

And how can I end this post? Well now I’m without a guaranteed make out partner. That’s a fact and it makes me a bit bummed out. But I’m also saving myself a lot of stress and torture by not prolonging the inevitable.  I’d rather be single than be in a fake relationship, which is what I had with my amigovio.  Yes, I’m going through all of the withdrawal symptoms that come with any type of breakup. It sucks. But luckily I have great friends and family by my side, helping me vent like a crazy person in a mental hospital and they are not judging me because of it.

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